Marshmallows, Dead Pets, and Smoke Inhalation

Jeff and I spent the better part of our evening playing musical chairs around a fire pit with some friends this evening. Every time the wind changed, we hurried, plastic patio chairs in hand, eyes stinging, to get upwind of the smoke. According to Monica, "Smoke follows beauty...and Bryce." In a frenzied marshmallow-sugar-high state, we somehow got on the subject of deceased pets.

Daniel's Story

A friend who lived in Chicago was house sitting for a family. While the family was out of town, their dog died, so she decided that she had better take it to the vet. She put the small dog's body into a duffel bag and boarded the subway en route to the vet's office.

While riding the subway, a good-looking young man started flirting with the girl, and in the midst of conversation, he casually asked what was in her bag. Not wanting to alarm him, she replied simply, "My laptop". Not soon after that, she arrived at her stop, and the young man exited with her. As soon as they reached the street, he punched her in the stomach, stole her bag, and ran off. How unsettling... and hysterical is that?

Beth's Story

A young single man moved into a new neighborhood. In an attempt to endear himself to his new neighbors, he got a puppy. His next door neighbor had, among her many pets, several rare and expensive rabbits (the kind they make angora sweaters from). One afternoon, the young man came home from work to find his puppy playing happily in the back yard with one of the rabbits. The dog had dug a hole under the fence and was now tossing the lifeless muddy little rabbit body in the air and chasing it.

Horrified, the man took the poor rodent's body inside, shampooed it, dried it, and groomed it. Then he climbed back into the neighbor's yard and replaced the rabbit in it's cage, hoping the neighbors would assume it had died of natural causes. Then he filled the hole between the yards and waited. A couple of days went by with no words from the neighbors, and he started to think his plan might have worked. Then, on the third day, there was a knock at the door.

This is what his neighbor said: "Hello, I noticed that you have a puppy, so I thought I should let you know. We have a seriously sick person living on the block. four days ago, one of my rabbits died. We buried him in the back yard, and someone dug him up, washed his body, and put him back in his cage."

The man never did tell her the truth.


I thought these stories were too good to not share. Thanks to my friends for the fantastic blog material.