Marshmallows, Dead Pets, and Smoke Inhalation

Jeff and I spent the better part of our evening playing musical chairs around a fire pit with some friends this evening. Every time the wind changed, we hurried, plastic patio chairs in hand, eyes stinging, to get upwind of the smoke. According to Monica, "Smoke follows beauty...and Bryce." In a frenzied marshmallow-sugar-high state, we somehow got on the subject of deceased pets.

Daniel's Story

A friend who lived in Chicago was house sitting for a family. While the family was out of town, their dog died, so she decided that she had better take it to the vet. She put the small dog's body into a duffel bag and boarded the subway en route to the vet's office.

While riding the subway, a good-looking young man started flirting with the girl, and in the midst of conversation, he casually asked what was in her bag. Not wanting to alarm him, she replied simply, "My laptop". Not soon after that, she arrived at her stop, and the young man exited with her. As soon as they reached the street, he punched her in the stomach, stole her bag, and ran off. How unsettling... and hysterical is that?

Beth's Story

A young single man moved into a new neighborhood. In an attempt to endear himself to his new neighbors, he got a puppy. His next door neighbor had, among her many pets, several rare and expensive rabbits (the kind they make angora sweaters from). One afternoon, the young man came home from work to find his puppy playing happily in the back yard with one of the rabbits. The dog had dug a hole under the fence and was now tossing the lifeless muddy little rabbit body in the air and chasing it.

Horrified, the man took the poor rodent's body inside, shampooed it, dried it, and groomed it. Then he climbed back into the neighbor's yard and replaced the rabbit in it's cage, hoping the neighbors would assume it had died of natural causes. Then he filled the hole between the yards and waited. A couple of days went by with no words from the neighbors, and he started to think his plan might have worked. Then, on the third day, there was a knock at the door.

This is what his neighbor said: "Hello, I noticed that you have a puppy, so I thought I should let you know. We have a seriously sick person living on the block. four days ago, one of my rabbits died. We buried him in the back yard, and someone dug him up, washed his body, and put him back in his cage."

The man never did tell her the truth.


I thought these stories were too good to not share. Thanks to my friends for the fantastic blog material.

Welcome to the Magic Kingdom

We're heading down south today (after we go bowling, eat at John's Incredible Pizza, and visit the Bugseum at Insect Lore in Shafter).

I'll be spending the next three days in sunny Anaheim, CA with Jeff's parents, aunt and uncle, sister and brother-in-law, and niece and nephew. For those of you keeping score, that's an adult to child ratio of 4:1. In honor of our yearly trip to the Disneyland and California Adventure theme parks, I thought we should look back on the highlights from the past few years.

• Two years ago we were all in the elevator at the hotel headed to Disneyland for the day. My mother-in-law, Martha, asked my nephew, "Where are we going, Jason?" "Down."

• When Jason was first learning to read, he read us all the sign posted at the entrance to Disneyland. "Disneyland Whores... Open from nine to midnight" That certainly paints the Disney princesses in a new light.

• Last year Jeff and his brother-in law, Jon learned the awkward truth that when riding the Matterhorn, the only seating options are: straddle or be straddled. Both of them are really eager to ride it again this year.

• Two years ago, no one could figure out why Jason didn't want to go to Star Wars Jedi training. It seemed right up his alley. It took us all day to uncover that the poor kid knew that he would have to "fight" Darth Vader, and he was afraid he would die!

• We were taking the kids to the Star Wars show once, and our brother-in-law, Jon, had on these goofy looking sunglasses. His wife had hounded him all day to take them off and throw them away, but the sunglasses never came off until Darth Vader came out. Apparently Jon didn't want Darth Vader to think he was a nerd! Too late, Jon. Sorry.

• My father-in-law, Gary, told my then five-year-old niece, Josie, that he would buy her something at the princess store in Disneyland. When she entered the shop, she was so overwhelmed with all the toys and costumes that all she could say was, "I need...I need...I need..."

Well, we're hoping for plenty more memorable moments this year.

I'll leave you with a knock-knock joke compliments of my ten-year old nephew, Jason.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Little old lady

Little old lady who?

I didn't know you could yodel!