Life in a Brighthouse: Moving out of the Dark Ages

In the past we had always taken pride in our lack of technology. We rarely watched our 400lb TV, and when television went digital, we just stopped watching all together. Unfortunately, when we were moving, Jeff "accidentally" dropped our beast of a TV and we finally felt justified in replacing it. We also got cable.

All my life, I've never had cable. I can't believe that I have lived my life up until now without the food network! I don't remember what I used to do on Sunday nights before they became completely devoted to Iron Chef America, Chopped, and Worst Cooks in America. I can't imagine an evening without Jeff standing behind me in the kitchen commentating while I cook dinner.

Cable has changed my life! I can't believe how much time I used to waste exercising and socializing. All that time, I could have been watching Star Trek reruns or catching up on Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. (On a sidenote, isn't Sully awesome? I love him!)

I feel so enlightened. Before cable, I never knew how a curling stone is made, that a dead pig can be substituted for a human body in most experiments, that a Toyota Hilux truck is indestructible, that Vulcans die from emotional breakdowns, or that Haricot Vert is just a fancy French term for green beans.

Thank you, Brighthouse Networks! I don't know how I ever lived without you!

2/2 Dads Agree! I'm Racktaculous!

It's been a while since I last blogged, so I'm easing back in with a shorter post. During my hiatus, I acquired three new followers! Welcome! Hope you enjoy...

It all started when we were loading the car for a fishing trip. My dad finished attaching the bunji cords to the roof of my Explorer and proudly proclaimed, "Becky, you may have an old car, but you sure have a nice rack."

Fast forward a few weeks. I'm playing pool with my father-in-law and he's kicking my butt, as usual. I finally get ahead of him only to scratch on the eight ball. I start collecting balls from the pocket, and Gary exclaims, "Becky, you may not be much of a pool player, but you sure do have a nice rack!"

They only wish their racks were as nice as mine!

Maybe I should invite my grandpa over for a lamb dinner. If I make it yummy enough, I could be 3 for 3!

Donkeys and Elephants: A Love Story

In light of recent propaganda surrounding the newly-passed health care bill, I give you the story of a forbidden love between a Democrat and a Republican. Two households, both alike in dignity...

I was raised in a conservative Christian home by conservative Republican parents who did their best to instill in me a strong sense of family values and personal responsibility. Hats off to you, Mom, and Dad. You did a great job.

Six years ago, I brought home a boy named Jeff. He was handsome, Godly, musically gifted, a lover of children and animals and me, everything I could ask for. My parents prepared the standard Fowler family spaghetti dinner. My dad told the story about how he made a hole in one the first time he played golf in 8th grade and walked away from the game because it was "too easy". Everything was going smoothly...UNTIL

Dad: So, Jeff. We might as well get down to it. Are you a Republican or a Democrat?

Jeff (innocently): Democrat

Me: Dad! I didn't know. Really! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!

Mom: Really Jeff? Are your parents Democrats as well?

Jeff (sensing impending doom): um... y..yes

Me: Honestly guys, I had no idea. We really haven't been dating that long. His family is so nice. I mean they're Christians! I just assumed...

That night, I knew what needed to happen. My relationship with Jeff, wonderful though it was, would have to end. He was a tree-hugging baby killer.

Ironically, that night Jeff was making the same decision I was. How could he continue in a relationship with a gay-hating war-starter?

After a VERY long conversation and way too many Sonic Cheddar Poppers, we came to the conclusion that neither of us really lived up to the others negative assumptions. We decided to temporarily call off the break-up. Then we made out.

Six years later we are a happily married, politically moderate, couple, and our families get along just fine (as long as no one mentions Obama or gay/lesbian representation in movies).

I Love Lamp

A couple of weeks ago, while playing "Would You Rather" with some friends, I drew a challenge card that said this: "For sixty seconds, explain how electricity works". I then proceeded to explain my fifth grade science fair project for which I tested the conductivity of various materials. In short - Pennies and paper clips conduct electricity. Plastic spoons and Fruit Loops do not. This is the extent of my knowledge on the subject.

Yesterday at a yard sale I bought three old lamps from a little old lady. They were beautiful... to me. I could see the potential. All Jeff could see were the frayed fifty-year-old wires and dusty cobwebs. "I'll clean them off and rewire them" I assure him as I handed the lady my ten dollar bill.

"Becky", Jeff said, "remember game night?"

"Yeah, so?"

"You're not rewiring anything. You can't even reset the breaker when the electricity goes out."

"Uh, Babe. That's why God created Google. Duh!"

Then I proudly carried my newly-acquired loot to the car.

Fast forward to this afternoon at Home Depot in the lighting section. I'm standing in front of a huge wall of wires and starting to panic.

Kevin the Irish/Scottish sales guy: Can I help you with something, Lass?

Me: Yes, I have these really old outdoor hanging lamps that I need to rewire.

Kevin: What parts would you be lookin fer then?

Me: I think I need a bulb holder screw in thing, a cord, a plug-in thingy, and whatever makes them all stay together and not explode.

Bless his heart. Kevin managed to figure out exactly what I needed, and he even gave me a quick tutorial. I left Home Depot, light kits in hand, confident and ready for an evening of fun with electricity.

It was actually much easier than I thought it would be. I wrapped wires around around a few screws and ran some cords through some holes just like Kevin had shown me, and presto, instant garden ambiance. Check it out.

I'm so proud of myself, but I have to admit that I still have absolutely no idea how electricity works.

Rats, Michael Jackson, and Conflict Resolution

We had a little bit of a rough start this morning. Our cat, Egypt, killed a rat and left him on the back steps for us. Apparently Jeff and I have different opinions about how to properly dispose of a dead rat. I felt sorry for the poor little rodent and wanted him to have a proper burial. Jeff was late for work and thought the trashcan was as dignified a resting place as a rat could expect. We compromised by putting the poor little guy in a shoebox and singing "Taps" before dumping him in the garbage. Both of us left for work upset.

After work, I spent the afternoon planting flowers in the backyard. Egypt helped. Jeff got home around seven, hungry and tired, so we settled in on the couch for bbq chicken pizza and Michael Jackson's "This is It".

Throughout the course of the movie/concert, we were both struck by the way Michael (or "MJ" as him minions called him)talked. Anytime he had an issue or wanted to make a change, MJ spoke very meekly, always careful to emphasize "The Love". It was pretty strange.

So now, in honor of Michael Jackson, I'll recount for you our rat fight from this morning in "MJ Speak".

Jeff: Nature has taken it's course and reclaimed this tiny furry creature.

Becky: So sad. I feel his spirit with us here. We must honor it.

Jeff: I'm sure he loved the trash when he was alive. Returning him to the trashcan would be the best way to show him love.

Becky: You know, on this planet all of nature is family, and we should bury him like we would a family member. The world should be full of love. L.O.V.E. Love is the only thing that matters.

Jeff: God Bless You. God Bless You.

Egypt: Are you saying I don't get to eat my rat for breakfast?

Got Busted by the Fresheazy

I have to admit that Jeff and I frequently patronize the Fresh and Easy down the street. Every time we visit, we make a point of parking in the "Hybrid Only" or "Family Only" parking spots in spite of the fact that we both drive 10+ year old gas guzzlers and have zero kids. We do it because we don't think it's fair that we should have to walk farther to the store simply because we can't afford cars that aren't old, and I don't feel inclined to give birth at this time.

Today as I was leaving with my merchandise, the store manager, Ramon (I rrrrroll my "R" when I say it) confronted me about my vehicle.

RRRRRamon: "Excuse me , Mam. I noticed that You're Parrrrrrked in the Hybrrrrid only spot."

Me: "Yessiree. Is there a problem?"

RRRRRamon: "Well your vehicle doesn't appearrrrr to be a hybrrrrrid."

Me: "Oh, it's been converted to run on water. I'd lift the hood and show you, but I'm in kind of a hurry. I've got a Greenpeace meeting in like ten minutes."

RRRRRamon: I think that you are pulling my leg. (Who says that?!) Please, in the future, parrrrk your vehicle (what he meant to say was "gas guzzling ghettotank") elsewhere, Mam.

Me: "What is this world coming to when a young woman is forced by her local market to park in the back of the parking lot simply because she is poor and childless? Goodbye, Rrrrramon. Goodbye FORRRREVERRR!"

What's So Great About Tuesday?

Absolutely nothing. Then only thing that Tuesday has going for it it is that its not Monday. I hate Mondays!

When I was in fourth grade, I was coerced into competing in the impromptu category of the oral language festival. I had no idea what that was, but somebody must have told me I would get candy for doing it. That was the only reason I did anything in those days. In fact, it still is. "Chocolate? I'm in!!!!"

My ten-year-old self didn't discover what she was in for until assigned a topic question - "What is your favorite day of the week, and why?" Then I was told I had five minutes to think about it before giving a ten minute speech in front of three judges. Well five minutes isn't much time for a borderline A.D.D., sugar-starved fourth grader to organize her thoughts. I'm pretty sure I spent the first four minutes and fifty seconds contemplating the merits of Milky Way Bars. Somewhere in those last ten seconds I made a snap decision to spend my ten minutes of fame convincing an audience of three that Tuesdays were the shiznit.

My speech went something like this:

Judge: Rebekah, you may begin.

Me: Lots of people like Saturday because there's no school. Some people love Sunday because of church. Mondays are great if you like school. Fridays are fun because you can stay up late. Thursdays are almost Fridays, so they're okay. Wednesday is like a half-way point, so some people like them too, but not me. I love Tuesday. Tuesday is the day nobody appreciates. It's like Bakersfield. Everybody drives through here to get somewhere else. Just like nobody ever makes Bakersfield their destination, nobody ever looks forward to a Tuesday. I feel sorry for poor Tuesday. It must be the saddest day of the week.

Then there were 9 1/2 minutes of silence while I just stood there smiling and waiting for the timer to run out.

I still have my Participant ribbon, but for the life of me, I can't remember if I ever got my candy.

How Jeff Won

So I'm pretty sure that my only readers so far are my mother and my sister. In light of this sad truth (sorry Mom and Laurel), I'll keep this story delightfully PG.

I should preface this with the fact that Jeff rarely wins. When he does, I tend to pay heavily. I think its happened twice since we've been married.

This afternoon I asked Jeff what he wanted for dinner, and he suggested that we barbecue. It was a great idea, but I pointed out to him that we were out of charcoal. I knew this because I used the last of it last week. In a rather bold and uncharacteristic manner, Jeff protested.

"No, we have charcoal under the BBQ"

I knew that the empty bag was sitting there, so I told him to go out and look. If he found charcoal, I would um...do something that he really likes. ;-)

However, if the charcoal was gone, he would give me a 30 minute foot rub. (It's been a while since my last pedicure, so Jeff was taking quite a risk, or so I thought.)

Jeff readily agreed to the wager, and headed out the back door to prove me wrong. I sat in the living room waiting to hear the token expletive that would mark the moment of my victory. It never came. Instead, in marched my husband triumphantly holding our little grey cat ,"Charcoal", who often sleeps under the BBQ. Damn!

Welcome to Our Blog

Our very formal and well-rehearsed welcome video.

Welcome to the Magic Kingdom

We're heading down south today (after we go bowling, eat at John's Incredible Pizza, and visit the Bugseum at Insect Lore in Shafter).

I'll be spending the next three days in sunny Anaheim, CA with Jeff's parents, aunt and uncle, sister and brother-in-law, and niece and nephew. For those of you keeping score, that's an adult to child ratio of 4:1. In honor of our yearly trip to the Disneyland and California Adventure theme parks, I thought we should look back on the highlights from the past few years.

• Two years ago we were all in the elevator at the hotel headed to Disneyland for the day. My mother-in-law, Martha, asked my nephew, "Where are we going, Jason?" "Down."

• When Jason was first learning to read, he read us all the sign posted at the entrance to Disneyland. "Disneyland Whores... Open from nine to midnight" That certainly paints the Disney princesses in a new light.

• Last year Jeff and his brother-in law, Jon learned the awkward truth that when riding the Matterhorn, the only seating options are: straddle or be straddled. Both of them are really eager to ride it again this year.

• Two years ago, no one could figure out why Jason didn't want to go to Star Wars Jedi training. It seemed right up his alley. It took us all day to uncover that the poor kid knew that he would have to "fight" Darth Vader, and he was afraid he would die!

• We were taking the kids to the Star Wars show once, and our brother-in-law, Jon, had on these goofy looking sunglasses. His wife had hounded him all day to take them off and throw them away, but the sunglasses never came off until Darth Vader came out. Apparently Jon didn't want Darth Vader to think he was a nerd! Too late, Jon. Sorry.

• My father-in-law, Gary, told my then five-year-old niece, Josie, that he would buy her something at the princess store in Disneyland. When she entered the shop, she was so overwhelmed with all the toys and costumes that all she could say was, "I need...I need...I need..."

Well, we're hoping for plenty more memorable moments this year.

I'll leave you with a knock-knock joke compliments of my ten-year old nephew, Jason.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Little old lady

Little old lady who?

I didn't know you could yodel!

Oops

I'm writing today from our brand new HP dv7-3165dx laptop. Our faithful old Dell gave up the ghost last night with a little accidental help from Jeff. So as soon as church was over, we optimistically headed out to Best Buy in search of our newer, better, more Jeff-proof computer.

I have never bought a computer before. Our last one was a gift, and I was just glad to have it. I had no hand in picking it out, and I had no idea what kind of processor it had, how many GBs the hard drive was, or how much RAM it had. I still don't.

Our shopping experience went a little something like this:

Becky: "Okay Jeff, which ones do you like?"

Jeff: "Wow, look how big the screen is on that one. We should get it."

Becky: "Yah, that's cool, but look at that pretty red one over there!"

Jeff: "That computer's too girly. I want a manly computer with lots of Gigabytie stuff."

Thank God for sales people who can point you in the right direction. Now if I could just get Jeff to accidentally break the TV.

Here it goes...

Today is a great day to start a blog.

I'm sitting on my couch drinking coffee with my black lab, Lucy, curled up at my feet snoring and two cats curled up in my lap. Its been an interesting journey for Jeff and me over the past 3+ years. We got married in May of 2006, and I'm proud to say that he has been the most wonderful husband a girl could wish for. We love our little house, our four cats and one dog, our garden, our church, our jobs, all the things that make up life.

Jeff is currently substitute teaching at the jr. high and high school levels. He finished the credential program at Point Loma last summer and now has both history and special ed credentials. Once he passes the CSET test, he'll do six weeks of student teaching and then hopefully score a teaching job.

This is my second year working in the Special Education Department at Ridgeview High School, and I love my job. I help kids with mild-moderate learning disabilities understand math. I can distinctly remember thinking as a kid, "Who would ever want to grow up and teach math?" Turns out it not so bad.

Its drumline season, and this year we're working with Shafter High School on a pirate show. There are 23 kids in the ensemble this year and they are completely pumped up about getting to sword fight and wear eye patches. The first competition was last weekend at Frontier. The kids looked great in their costumes, and were the only group in their division to have their show finished. Go Shafter!

Jeff and I are still actively involved in the worship ministry at Cornerstone Church. We love our music pastor, Paul Cierley. The man is God's gift to music and has breathed some serious life into our church with his mad arranging skills. I can't imagine Heaven being any more fun than Sunday mornings at Cornerstone.

We're still living downtown in the Oleander area, and we love our little house. I finally feel like I've finished it. The walls are various shades of red, gold, and orange. We got new flooring last summer. Between yard sales, hand-me-downs, and craigslist, we're well furnished. We had so many morning glories growing the garden this year that they found their way through the wall at one point, and we had vines in the guest room. Good times.

This coming week, Jeff and I have both forsaken work for a Disneyland vacation with Jeff's family. I can't wait to see my niece and nephew. Josie is six and Jason is ten, and they live four hours north in Santa Clara. We haven't seen them since December when we spent an amazing week skiing and sledding in Sonora with them and their parents. I have been blessed with such great family!

Well, thanks for reading. I'll try and post Disneyland pics when we return!