Why is She Rolling Her Eyes...Again!?!

Donkeys and Elephants: A Love Story

In light of recent propaganda surrounding the newly-passed health care bill, I give you the story of a forbidden love between a Democrat and a Republican. Two households, both alike in dignity...

I was raised in a conservative Christian home by conservative Republican parents who did their best to instill in me a strong sense of family values and personal responsibility. Hats off to you, Mom, and Dad. You did a great job.

Six years ago, I brought home a boy named Jeff. He was handsome, Godly, musically gifted, a lover of children and animals and me, everything I could ask for. My parents prepared the standard Fowler family spaghetti dinner. My dad told the story about how he made a hole in one the first time he played golf in 8th grade and walked away from the game because it was "too easy". Everything was going smoothly...UNTIL

Dad: So, Jeff. We might as well get down to it. Are you a Republican or a Democrat?

Jeff (innocently): Democrat

Me: Dad! I didn't know. Really! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!

Mom: Really Jeff? Are your parents Democrats as well?

Jeff (sensing impending doom): um... y..yes

Me: Honestly guys, I had no idea. We really haven't been dating that long. His family is so nice. I mean they're Christians! I just assumed...

That night, I knew what needed to happen. My relationship with Jeff, wonderful though it was, would have to end. He was a tree-hugging baby killer.

Ironically, that night Jeff was making the same decision I was. How could he continue in a relationship with a gay-hating war-starter?

After a VERY long conversation and way too many Sonic Cheddar Poppers, we came to the conclusion that neither of us really lived up to the others negative assumptions. We decided to temporarily call off the break-up. Then we made out.

Six years later we are a happily married, politically moderate, couple, and our families get along just fine (as long as no one mentions Obama or gay/lesbian representation in movies).

Got Busted by the Fresheazy

I have to admit that Jeff and I frequently patronize the Fresh and Easy down the street. Every time we visit, we make a point of parking in the "Hybrid Only" or "Family Only" parking spots in spite of the fact that we both drive 10+ year old gas guzzlers and have zero kids. We do it because we don't think it's fair that we should have to walk farther to the store simply because we can't afford cars that aren't old, and I don't feel inclined to give birth at this time.

Today as I was leaving with my merchandise, the store manager, Ramon (I rrrrroll my "R" when I say it) confronted me about my vehicle.

RRRRRamon: "Excuse me , Mam. I noticed that You're Parrrrrrked in the Hybrrrrid only spot."

Me: "Yessiree. Is there a problem?"

RRRRRamon: "Well your vehicle doesn't appearrrrr to be a hybrrrrrid."

Me: "Oh, it's been converted to run on water. I'd lift the hood and show you, but I'm in kind of a hurry. I've got a Greenpeace meeting in like ten minutes."

RRRRRamon: I think that you are pulling my leg. (Who says that?!) Please, in the future, parrrrk your vehicle (what he meant to say was "gas guzzling ghettotank") elsewhere, Mam.

Me: "What is this world coming to when a young woman is forced by her local market to park in the back of the parking lot simply because she is poor and childless? Goodbye, Rrrrramon. Goodbye FORRRREVERRR!"