Life in a Brighthouse: Moving out of the Dark Ages

In the past we had always taken pride in our lack of technology. We rarely watched our 400lb TV, and when television went digital, we just stopped watching all together. Unfortunately, when we were moving, Jeff "accidentally" dropped our beast of a TV and we finally felt justified in replacing it. We also got cable.

All my life, I've never had cable. I can't believe that I have lived my life up until now without the food network! I don't remember what I used to do on Sunday nights before they became completely devoted to Iron Chef America, Chopped, and Worst Cooks in America. I can't imagine an evening without Jeff standing behind me in the kitchen commentating while I cook dinner.

Cable has changed my life! I can't believe how much time I used to waste exercising and socializing. All that time, I could have been watching Star Trek reruns or catching up on Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. (On a sidenote, isn't Sully awesome? I love him!)

I feel so enlightened. Before cable, I never knew how a curling stone is made, that a dead pig can be substituted for a human body in most experiments, that a Toyota Hilux truck is indestructible, that Vulcans die from emotional breakdowns, or that Haricot Vert is just a fancy French term for green beans.

Thank you, Brighthouse Networks! I don't know how I ever lived without you!

Strawberry Blonde + Strawberry Festival = LOVE

Jeff and I took a trip last weekend to celebrate our anniversary. We arrived in Agoura Hills Friday night around nine. The hotel was warn and welcoming, once we got past the gatekeepers.

Not so scary during the day, but decently foreboding at night. "Nevermore!"

We slept in 'til noon Saturday and spent the rest of the day drinking ridiculously over garnished cocktails on the beach in Malibu.

I was really looking forward to Sunday because we were planning to go to the Strawberry Festival in Oxnard. I hadn't been since I was eight, and the only memory I had of it was getting to build my own strawberry shortcake. Picture a bowl full of strawberries and cake topped off with 3-4 inches of whipped cream. This is my version of Heaven.

Jeff was a little skeptical about the festival. I think he only agreed to go because I got so excited at the prospect, and he couldn't bear to disappoint me. We decided to get there early and beat the crowds. As we were pulling into the parking lot, Jeff's ears perked up.

"Babe, I hear a marching band. Their drum line sounds pretty good."

As we walked through the gate, Jeff's eyes got huge. There in front of us was the marching band, and surrounding it on all sides were booths selling every kind of food imaginable. This was Jeff's version of Heaven.
We listened to Oxnard High School's band perform while munching on strawberry popcorn. Then we headed for the vendor booths. The vendor area consisted of rows and rows of tents full of homemade wind chimes, tie-dye clothing, amateur art, chainsaw sculptures, and handmade specialty soaps. I bought a delightfully strange print from a Haitian "Modernistic Artist/ Chef Creole/ Vocalist/ Percussionist Extraordinaire" named Willie Louie Jean Paul. I'm NOT making this up. I don't even like Chihuahuas. I just thought this was awesome!

Jeff thinks I'm insane.

Next we decided to grab lunch. Jeff had a boring old tri-tip sandwich. I opted for a strawberry glazed chicken skewer. MMMMMMM. Lunch in hand, we made our way to the main stage to see who was playing.

The band was called "Mini Driver"(like the actress only smaller?). It consisted of four grown men in rock star costumes singing and playing to Black Eyed Peas and Lady Gaga tracks. Once again, NOT KIDDING. In the presence of such absurdity, there was only one thing I could do... dance...with this guy:

After my dance floor workout, I decided it was time for round three of festival food. Roasted corn on the cob and strawberry wine for me. Curly fries and strawberry beer for Jeff. Yum!

By this time, the crowd was getting thicker, the sun was getting hotter, and the BBQ smoke was stinging my eyes. We both were ready to go, so we bought two flats of the world's greatest strawberries, and I got in line to make myself a bowl of strawberry shortcake that would put my childhood memories to shame.

"So, how did you like the Strawberry festival, Babe?" I asked Jeff as we searched the crowded parking lot for our car.

"Oh my gosh! The food! The crazy people! The amazing strawberries!"

We set one of the baskets of berries between us in the car and munched on them the whole way back to Bakersfield, the perfect ending to a perfect weekend.

Why is She Rolling Her Eyes...Again!?!

Date Night: Attack of the Flaming Cheese

It was a fun and interesting night tonight. Jeff and I found ourselves, for the first time in weeks, with free time, energy, and extra money all at the same time. Usually by Friday we're both so exhausted that we just throw on our pjs, order in, and stare blankly at the TV til we fall asleep on the couch. Tonight, however, inspired by my newly purchased yellow strappy sandals, I decided we should hit the town.

Jeff really wanted to see the movie "Date Night", so we got all dolled up and headed to the 7:40 showing at the Maya (which beats the pants of Edwards Cinema any day!). Since it only came out today, I'll assume that most people haven't seen it yet. I don't want to spoil anything for you, but this is one of the funniest and best movies I've ever seen. Tina Fey and Steve Carell played the most believable, adorable, hysterical married couple I have ever seen on film. The guy behind me in the theater was laughing to hard he kept spitting popcorn at the back of my head.



When the movie was over, we decided that, even though our stomachs ached from laughing, we had better eat dinner, so we headed to Goose Loonies. Our waitress set herself on fire. I'm not kidding. Jeff ordered Saganaki, or as he calls it, "The Flaming Cheese". So our server brought out the cheese, and the shot of 200 proof alcohol, and the matches. She had curly hair full of highly flammable stying products. You do the math. To make matters worse, I couldn't stop laughing. Even before Jeff threw his water on the poor girl, I was nearly on the floor. I told Jeff he shouldn't have ordered me that Long Island Iced Tea.

After a delicious dinner, we left a 50% tip for our poor charred server, and headed home. We were both so exhausted from laughing all night that we changed into our pjs, and sat on the couch staring at the the TV until we both passed out.

Happy Easter!

Donkeys and Elephants: A Love Story

In light of recent propaganda surrounding the newly-passed health care bill, I give you the story of a forbidden love between a Democrat and a Republican. Two households, both alike in dignity...

I was raised in a conservative Christian home by conservative Republican parents who did their best to instill in me a strong sense of family values and personal responsibility. Hats off to you, Mom, and Dad. You did a great job.

Six years ago, I brought home a boy named Jeff. He was handsome, Godly, musically gifted, a lover of children and animals and me, everything I could ask for. My parents prepared the standard Fowler family spaghetti dinner. My dad told the story about how he made a hole in one the first time he played golf in 8th grade and walked away from the game because it was "too easy". Everything was going smoothly...UNTIL

Dad: So, Jeff. We might as well get down to it. Are you a Republican or a Democrat?

Jeff (innocently): Democrat

Me: Dad! I didn't know. Really! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!

Mom: Really Jeff? Are your parents Democrats as well?

Jeff (sensing impending doom): um... y..yes

Me: Honestly guys, I had no idea. We really haven't been dating that long. His family is so nice. I mean they're Christians! I just assumed...

That night, I knew what needed to happen. My relationship with Jeff, wonderful though it was, would have to end. He was a tree-hugging baby killer.

Ironically, that night Jeff was making the same decision I was. How could he continue in a relationship with a gay-hating war-starter?

After a VERY long conversation and way too many Sonic Cheddar Poppers, we came to the conclusion that neither of us really lived up to the others negative assumptions. We decided to temporarily call off the break-up. Then we made out.

Six years later we are a happily married, politically moderate, couple, and our families get along just fine (as long as no one mentions Obama or gay/lesbian representation in movies).

Ratio Intolerance

It's a problem I've had since I was a child. Whenever I got a bag of M&Ms or Skittles, I immediately dumped them all out and separated them into piles by color. Then I would even out the piles by eating the extras. After I had perfectly even piles, I would eat one from each pile (in rainbow order), always careful to maintain an even ratio, until all the candy was gone. I've done this for as long as I can remember, and it never seemed strange to me until I met Rick.

Rick requested that I bring a meat, cheese, and cracker tray to our small group one week. I did, and in true Becky form, there was a perfect ratio of 1 meat:1 cheese: 1 cracker. That's just good sense, right? But then Rick did the unthinkable. He made a sandwich! (cracker/meat/cheese/cracker) I didn't want to make a big deal about it, so I quickly scarfed down a piece of meat and a piece of cheese. "There", I thought, "All fixed". Then he did it again, and he wasn't the only one! I sat there all evening keeping a mental tally and trying to eat up the difference. Needless to say, by the end of the night, I was sick, and my small group was more than a little concerned.
What is wrong with me?

Cadbury Creme Eggs Benadict?

Holy frosted goodess, Batman! I can't say I wasn't intrigued and a little disgusted. Cadbury Creme Eggs are, and forever will be, my favorite Easter treat, but this little number looks good enough, and bad enough, to put my pancreas into a coma for life.

Lets break it down, shall we?

Pound cake fried in butter
Cake Doughnuts
Brownies
Butter cream frosting
Red Sugar sprinkles
and Cadbury Creme Eggs

I dare someone to make it tell me how it turns out (if the diabetes doesn't get you first)

Oh, and for all you Weight Watchers fans, I think this is only about four points. Eat Up!

http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2010/03/cakespy-cadbury-creme-eggs-benedict-dessert-breakfast-recipe.html